He always liked women with crazy hair. Contemptuous Unobtainable women made him
want to be a man. Juliann was undeniably the most interesting woman he had ever met.
More interesting than his girlfriend Sherry.
After an hour of gazing at her, the first sentence she had uttered had made him burn with
joyful agony. “You can’t want me. You won’t get as near as touching me.”
Juliann was a statue. A Goddess. One whose salvation was indignation and who fed on
healthy disrespect. At that point, there was no way he could recollect all his ‘unimaginably
beautiful’ moments with Sherry. Juliann could overpower beauty and money. And that’s
what made it harder for Holler to not want her. She was not the sexiest woman. Nor was
she rich. She was simply beautiful. Beautiful inside. Bodily and spiritually. Not the spirit we
preach. For Holler, spirit was not soul. Not an invisible little ghost screaming notes of
morality inside his head. Spirit was her power. Her power to bind him as her helpless slave,
by the rope of her charms.
He could make love to her. Brutally. Hear her scream in pain and not feel a pinch of pity
for her. Not because he wasn’t a moral person. Holler was a moral man. He could find
beauty in so-called ‘ugliest’ of the faces. Not out of mercy, out of the irresistible need to be
‘good’. To be the man his father never could be.
“You are so buying me a ring one day and I wonder how much pleasure I would derive in
saying ‘no’.” Juliann said, smiling maliciously.
It was surprising how she could so confidently assert something like this on the first
meeting. Holler looked at her. Felt her breath on his cheeks and remembered what his
mother had told him after meeting Sherry, “Oh, she is so wonderful! I love her Holler. Don’t
leave her. Ever.”
But how could he not aspire to kiss this woman who made it totally impossible for him to
walk away? The station he should have got down at was far gone. The train was six
stations ahead.
He wanted her. Desired to hold her close to him and to make her fall on her knees,
begging him to own her.
As she nibbled on the chocolate, he asked her, “Why don’t you have a man? You seem
nice.”
“Seem nice? It’s amazing how men take the liberty to be so loving on the first go and can
indefinitely want her as long as it is a chase. Once the struggle is over and she wants him
back, they have to treat her like crap.”
“Does that answer my question Juliann?”
“Yes. Men don’t deserve beautiful women. I am content being without a man pricking my
ass all the time.”
“How happy do you get by making every man around you feel like trash?”
Juliann smiled and stared at him. She didn’t have to say anything.
Holler knew her. He was her Ringman.
Holler believed every woman had a Ringman. A man who fell prey to her body and her
spirit. Only one man who would want to be ruled by her.
“Ribbons.” Juliann said, suddenly.
They had remained silent for over an hour now. The next station was Bennington. The one
where Juliann was supposed to get down.
“Ribbons. What about them?” Holler asked.
“Don’t you like them Holler?”
Juliann was shameless. Utterly unintelligible to a human being who did not understand the
power of ‘pride’.
“The next station is Bennington. The train terminates here. The doors will open on the right
side. Mind the gap.”
Holler turned, looked and asked her, “Are you going to get down?”
He so tried to hide that tint of desperation, though his pleading eyes totally gave him
away.
“I don’t wait Holler. I don’t.” Juliann said and stood up.
Holler looked up at her and asked, “How can you want me to love you?”
“I don’t.”, Juliann replied and added, “You can’t love me.”, emphasizing on the word ‘can’t’.
“I want you.” Holler said under his breath. Loud enough for her to hear.
Juliann glanced at him angrily and asked, “do you?” and walked away.
Her name was Juliann. There was more of what she did not like than of what she certainly
did. She wasn’t a pessimist. She was confused. Confidently confused.
I lied. Told her I want her. I lied. Because there was no other way I could have her. Juliann
did not want to be loved. Humans were not capable of it according to her. She did make
exceptions.
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